By Jim Henderson

An article in today’s Chicago Tribune contrasts the growing number of young singles in the Chicago area with the lack of opportunities for them to meet. Their conclusion? Not enough fitness clubs and brutally cold winters. Apparently, once the temperature drops your chances of meeting someone follows suit.

I live in Seattle where pastors like Mark Driscoll take this problem seriously. His hipster looks and take-no-prisoners talk attracts many young men with many young women following them in the door. This church is a magnet for young people looking for place to meet potential partners. Unlike a health club there are no monthly dues but there is a price. Women are encouraged to stay home and have babies. For many people this is a price they’re willing to pay in exchange for the possibility of meeting Mr. Right.

This church’s laser focus on single men sets it apart from the majority of churches who spend their time focusing on the family. It’s shrewd, pragmatic and it works. Get the men and you get the women. Get the babies and you get the money. Get the money and you get the loyalty. Get the loyalty and you get ten years to brainwash people into your image.

In some ways they really get this right. In one of the one of the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated, Christians have become convinced that focusing on the family is the one Big Idea God is really into. Apart from outliers like Driscoll, this focus on the family group (a.k.a. the majority of Christians) would appear to be completely blind to the fact that a single person founded their movement!

The question the famous movie, When Harry Met Sally attempts to answer is, can men and women be friends without it leading to sex? Perhaps a more genteel way of putting it is, are cross gender non-romantic friendships possible? Apparently Harry and Sally were Christians because they didn’t think so.

In his groundbreaking book Sacred Unions Sacred Passions Dan Brennan turns this assumption on its head by exploring Jesus friendships with women. In his book Dan uncovers the fact that followers of Jesus would have to come to a very different conclusion than both Harry or Sally.

Here’s why, Jesus was not only single, he was celibate and had lots of women friends. Apparently for men and women who choose to follow Jesus it’s not only possible but normative to experience relational nearness without things becoming sexualized.

What if those of us who call ourselves Christians also became followers of Jesus? What if the church stopped focusing on the family and started focusing on the compelling life of Jesus? What if singles came to our churches and met men or women with whom they could experience non-romantic friendship? What if we didn’t rush or pressure people into marriage as if it was the cure all? What if we embraced Jesus’ radicalized vision of how men and women relate to each other? Maybe we’d put fitness clubs, bars and baby making churches out of business.

Steve Brown Show interview with Craig Spinks and myself LISTEN

YouthWorker Journal reviewed our book

World famous author of The Shack (what else do you call someone who’s sold close to 20 MILLION copies of their book?)
William Paul Young spent the day in Seattle last Friday becoming everyones new best friend.

If you’re like me, when you meet a celebrity you come ready to be disappointed.

People who spend as much time in the spotlight as Paul frequently become so blinded by the light they’re no longer capable of “seeing” anyone but themselves.

Paul Young breaks that mold. He warns people that he is a hugger and tells them if they don’t want to be hugged they need to tell him ahead of time. He destroys the idea of “celebrity” by his radical practice of self effacement and dishes so much dirt on himself that any ideological enemy with half a brain could ruin his already tentative reputation.

All of this flows out of a man who just doesn’t care what you think of him – not in some “Im cool and you’re not” kind of way but more – I know Papa is in my corner so why do I need your approval or care what you find out about me – kind of way.

When a “celebrity” does that often enough and consistently enough people begin to think of them as “their new best friend” – Thats what happened last Friday in Seattle. Paul inherited a couple hundred new best friends, gave out tons of hugs, signed books (which he finds to be a rather goofy ritual but does anyway) and listened to one story after another about how The Shack motivated people to forgive their perpetrators, reach out to their enemies or simply let go of long held grudges.

While the hoped for public meeting with Mark Driscoll did not materialize , the mere act of calling such a meeting prompted Pastor Driscoll’s people to reach out to Paul (offline) and offer a private meeting which Paul graciously agreed to accommodate.

Like my favorite historian Barbara Tuchman says “in the scales of history inertia outweighs that of change”. While I prefer leaders who pick fights in public also settle them in public, I’m grateful that my new best friend Paul has a relationship with Jesus that motivates him to exercise kindness toward those who mean to do him harm.

We hope to have Paul back in Seattle again soon for another evening of Stories From The Shack – Stay tuned